Some days, parenting is… HARD

That was my exhausted thought as I was doing multitasking in my kitchen at the end of the day today. Between trying to check emails, making a list of pending phone calls, expanding my never-ending to-do-list where it feels like nothing ever gets accomplished, preparing dinner for kids and us, cleaning up the living room which looked like a jungle of toys, thinking about how to juggle in Swim classes for the kids…..I was feeling like “I just cant accomplish anything EVER!!”

The whole day had been a battle.

I can’t even remember as I write this what the issues were, but it just seemed like everything was a challenge today.

Maybe it was because I had planned to do many things today but couldn’t get much done from my list of things;

Or maybe it was because Gauri is almost 3.5 and she’s becoming more independent and more verbal. 

My every effort to try to teach her to write, color-within-the-lines, remember her numbers/ alphabets etc are all only making her more rigid.  

Neel’s also getting quite independent and doing the boy things – break stuff, getting into things he shouldn't, pull away Gauri’s toys and most specially her Dolls, and therefore fights between the two ALL-THE-TIME!!

Whatever the reason, I was frustrated this evening and I almost felt like a TOTAL FAILURE at parenting and house-keeping. I have really NEVER felt this way for anything. I have always been a go-getter, on top of everything, leading not following or merely trying to catch up…. But I broke down this evening into tears when I looked around me and all I saw was a mountain of work, Neel Gauri fighting over a doll, Gauri not stopping from putting her hair in her mouth despite of me asking her several times and Neel trying to run away with poop on his bottoms!!

Gosh – I felt SO down and sad and depressed, all I asked for from my hubby  

“can I get just 24 hours to myself to be 24 again”

 as our 10^th wedding anniversary gift.  

There is always so much pressure on moms, to teach their kids every possible skill in the world, to take them to million lessons, make sure they are achieving all milestones appropriate for their age and making them smarter, and obedient, and happy and disciplined; cooking the most nutritious meals for the whole family that also taste good and is not boring and repeating, keeping the house like NO-KIDS live in it – how do we do all that and also look good and sound happy at the end of the day when hubby descends from work?

Is it just be who doesn’t know how to make all this work effortlessly or do any of you moms feel the same way?

Well I know I am going to give my kids a nice warm bath and cuddle them in bed to bounce out of it for now!!

Valentines 2010

I know I am lagging behind in updating the blog and we are almost a month late in posting about our valentines day fun, but, I don’t want to NOT write about it at all because it was just too cute and a whole lot fun.

The week before V’ day baba was out on a business trip and we were supposed to have a snow storm – not ideal situation when hubby’s not around and kids have dr’s appointments, we have a flat tire and not of snow to shovel. But we were too excited for V’day to keep us from having fun.

So while it was snowing heavily outside (picture below)

All 3 of us were busy making valentines cookies and Gauri wanted to make a Valentines necklace for herself and her Baba. (Look at her creativity below, I am not going to steal the thunder here because really the cookie decoration and the fruit loops was all her idea)

Baba came home the night before V’day and as he reached Gauri’s Crib to kiss her on coming back, she immediately woke up and hugged him and whispered in his ears “Baba I made a valentine’s surprise necklace for you…sh…..Neel’ will wake up so I’ll sleep now, but I cant wait to give it to you in the morning, will you wake me up early tomorrow”

That was too cute and it melted her baba’s heart and in baba’s words – “this is what I miss the most when I am not with you guys….I love her so much….”

We had a nice relaxing lazy breakfast in the morning, went out shopping a bit, exchanged some presents, all of us got back in our PJ (well PJs were our presents this Valentines…hahahaha) and watched some TV together.

I was happy that no more we were running around, trying to get a reservation in a restaurant at stupidly-late-hours in the night, for valentines day dinner. We were all happy, sitting together eating butter popcorn in the coziness of our home …valentines day has new meaning for us now and WE (Me and Hubby) love it this way.

God's most amazing creation

Mother!
I am sure we all agree to that, and I hope we find that time to let the woman who gave us birth know, that what an amazing person she is (or was).

Very sadly, I want Gauri and Neel to know that today its been 10 years of us losing our most beloved mother, the Nani they unfortunately haven't meet, but the Nani who still continues to guide and motivate their mother (me) to try to be a good mother to them. My little babies, I hope I can be a mother just like your Nani, who will always love and care for you on earth or in heaven.

I do wish mom, you were here to sit by my bed-side and roll your finger through my hair when I would be sick; I wish you would still sing me the same lullaby that you used to when I couldnt fall asleep; I wish you were here to chat with me all night long while everyone was fast asleep; I wish you were hear to easy my fears, to wipe my tears, to share my excitement, to be proud of my achievemnets and above all to mother me, while I mothered my children. I miss you more than words could ever express.

This picture is my absolute favorite from my brother's wedding, its just that its little short of being perfect - I think its missing our mother, but so is every picture! We love you and miss you always, dear mother. Hope you are resting in peace.

Are we Home now?

That’s what super-tired-completely-exhausted Gauri asked me when we finally sat down at our departure gate in Charlotte after being in transit for over 50+ hours changing several planes, having done atleast 12 or more security checks and being dragged every where on the airport at various ungodly hours for last couple of days…..

As some of you already know we had already missed our first return flight to US since I did not have a UK transit visa. Frankly, that was such a shocker for me and I couldn’t believe that was happening to us. Gauri was very sad and upset at why baba had not come to pick her up at the airport, poor thing didn’t quite understand that we were still in India.

Finally we decided to fly back via Germany since it didn’t require a transit visa. But it seems like trouble was spread like a battle-field mine in the entire journey. First, the plane from India couldn’t take off for over 4 hours due to some military issue. I knew we had already missed our connection from Munich to Boston but I was hopeful we’d get some flight back to US.

But upon landing on Munich airport, we were not allowed to enter the airport as the airport was shut down due to some security breach!! Great!! We were left at a place with little heat, very few chairs, no food, phone or even water. We waited for good 4 -5 hours when our patience started running out. It was getting very cold and kids were beginning to freeze sitting on the floor. I put down my shawl, coat etc to make it warmer for kids to sit . Gauri was getting more and more thirsty and couldn’t hold off any more. Upon asking a German immigration officer who spoke little English, he told that only place to get some water was from “the toilet” – are you kidding me was the expression on my face. But I had no choice, I went and brought some water from the T. At that point I literally got tears in my eyes; children who I have taken care so gently and carefully, I am now feeding them water from the toilet. I was desperate to find some help. Determined, I kept asking immigration officers to let me/ other passengers talk to Lufthansa officials. Finally they came – told us that there are no flights to the US for the day and we may have to wait at the airport with atleast 300 other passengers stuck in similar situation, but they could now take us into the airport. After about 4 security checks and stripping sleepy-cranky kids every time for the damn security check, taking care of our hand luggage, purse, passports and million other things we were inside the airport finally. Now the next hurdle – to get the first available flight to US (forget Boston, get me anywhere in the US, beggars cant be choosers). After another 2.5 hours of standing in queue, we were finally booked on a flight to Charlotte and another one from Charlotte to Boston for next day. Now the next hurdle was to fight for a transit visa so I could take the kids to a hotel and not have to spend the night with both kids and luggage on a terminal. Seeing the condition of my kids and literally begging and pleading we finally got transit visa to go into Germany (now 1 AM German time)
Again dragging sleepy kids with luggage from one end of the airport to another, to an exit, we finally sat inside a cab; to tell the truth I was Sh…scared at this time riding a cab all alone with kids and no phone, no local currency, no understanding of German language and absolutely no idea where the heck the cab driver was going to take us. But with fingers crossed and keeping Gods name in the heart we passed that 25 minute ride to the hotel. We were happy to be at the hotel and the staff there was extremely helpful and empathetic. We all had a nice 5 hour sleep and our back felt lot better and ready for another day of surprises.

Next morning we took our 10 hour flight to Charlotte only to land there and find out that immigration is going to take long and we will miss yet another connection to Boston – lovely!! Who invited Mr. Murphy to this trip?????
Anyway when sat at the terminal in Charlotte hoping that this be our FINAL flight in our attempt to reach Boston, I asked Gauri if she was excited to see baba, she said “I am tired mum, are we home now?”…. my heart went out to her and I gave her a big emotional hug, keeping my tears under control and thanking her for being such a cooperative kid during this entire mess. 5.5 hours later we were finally HOME!!
Happy Ending, Happy Faces...

Pre-school - so soon??

Our little one is heading off on a big adventure -- preschool!
The first day of preschool has arrived (Monday Sept 21) and it's time for our little darling to begin an educational journey that will last nearly two decades. Gosh is she really that grown-up already – I remember bringing her home from the hospital, like it was yesterday!!

The night before, I talked to Gauri about her special day (she seemed very excited),

I am ready for School (the day before)

"I am so excited Neel"

picked her attire for the morning, packed some snack, she packed her back-pack with all sorts of stuff, teddy, doll, hair clip, toy cell phone, nighty-night Lucy book, a pair of clothing etc…..Alarms were set, with breakfast menu on mind, we went to bed early.

As we reached the school gate, I was feeling like I was going to cry any minute and as I dropped her off to her class and she asked me “mumma where are you going” my face turned red, my eyes were barely able to hold the tears in them any more, thanks to the teacher for pushing me to leave while letting Gauri know that I’ll be back after "picking up some groceries".
With little over 2 hours in hand, I did some grocery shopping (with no one asking to sit in those big- loud toycar shopping carts, so hard to maneuver and always stuck in the checkout lanes!), some laundry folding and organizing, and yes I also ate some breakfast that day! Yuppie!!.
Apart from all this, I had only one thing going on in the background – a hard-to-resist-urge to call the preschool about fifty times to ask, “Is she happy? Does she look happy? What’s she doing right now? How about now? Isn’t she wonderfully terrific? Don’t you agree she’s the most fantastic child ever? Does she look happy now? And now?”

God, I couldn’t wait to pick her up (no wonder I was sitting in the parking lot 20 minutes before the pick-up time). I miss my darling baby. And as soon as I picked her up – we hugged (real tight) and she asked “did baba and Neel miss me” and as Neel woke up from his nap and saw Gauri, he uttered excitedly - “ge-ge”; that’s it!! – Gauri said “I think mumma Neel missed me because he is smiling at ge-ge” (We think Neel calls Gauri Ge-ge). Gauri had the most wonderful stories to tell me all the way home !! :)

"I am ready to study too"

What's baking in our oven!!

“When baking, follow directions. When cooking, go by your own taste.” ~Laiko Bahrs

I following this saying – religiously; because (as some of you already know) although I can cook quite okay but I am a pathetic baker! While my mom (the BEST cook ever, seriously) baked the most amazing cakes (and for everyone’s birthday, all cousins friend’s kids etc.) me on the contrary, fail, if I am even short of one ingredient. Baking does not come natural to me. So, I had never ventured into the area of cookies etc. But in an effort to keep Gauri busy and to fulfill her random demand of very specific shape and color cookies, I have tried several recipes in the past. And after several failed attempts, I can say that I have finally been able to bake some really decent cookies lately.

Several months ago we baked some Vegan chocolate chip cookies – vegan because Neel is allergic to dairy (just like Gauri was when she was less than an year old; I really do hope he also grows out of this pretty soon) and so I am on no-dairy-no-soy diet too. The cookies came out pretty good and my big air-tight container was empty by the end of second evening. Both Gauri and her baba gobbled them quick (Gauri actually eating something with that much likeness - Best compliment ever).

Recently we tried these “Pink” heart shortbread cookies (yes these days everything has to be pink or princess) and they were fantastic too. Not only did Gauri had much fun making then (Kneading the dough, using the cookie cutter and frosting them) but she and baba once again enjoyed them much. Neel and I just watched since they had butter this time (I’ll bake you some vegan cookies again Neel!). If anyone’s interested here is the simple recipe for shortbread (the key is to follow the recipe)

2 cups (260 grams) all-purpose flour
Note: I found that for delicate tasting shortbread with a melt-in-your-mouth texture, replace 1/2 cup flour with cornstarch
1/4 teaspoon (2 grams) salt
1 cup (2 sticks) butter
1/2 cup (60 grams) confectioners sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

In the bowl cream the butter and sugar until smooth.
Add vanilla extract and then stir in the flour mixture.
Wrap the dough in plastic wrap, and chill for an hour.
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F with the rack in the middle of the oven.
Cut the dough into whatever shapes you wish.
Place the cookies on the baking sheet and place in the refrigerator for about 15 minutes.
Bake for 8 - 10 minutes.

Happy Baking everyone!!

Hanuman ji please give me toilet paper

Tuesday night while I was trying to nurse Neel and sleep Gauri both at the same time, with lights turned off, to make it dark enough for Gauri to try to sleep (and stop playing with Neel, so he could also sleep), Gauri suddenly gets up and whispers in my ear – “I need to go potty”, and then we had the most interesting conversation of all times. Here is exactly how it went:

Gauri: “Mum I need to go Potty”
Me: “Are you sure?”
Gauri: “Yes, I have to”
Me: “Then go”
Gauri: “No, you take me”
Me: “I can’t I am nursing Neel”
Gauri: “Pleeeeeeease take me, please come with me”
Me: “No Gauri, I cant honey, just go…..you cant do it on your own, you are a big kid now”
Gauri: “but there’s Bandar(monkey) in the Bathroom”
Me: with a little stress in my voice “Gaaaaauriii – there is NOBandar, don’t make up things, just go if you have to”

Note: Somehow Gauri is scared of monkeys, and I really have no idea why and where did she get this in her head, but suddenly one day she stared saying –monkeys will hurt me…We were worried at first and asked her why she thinks so, but then we thought it probably is normal for kids her age to get the concept of being scared sometimes.

So anyway,
Gauri: “Will Hanuman ji ask Bandar to go away?”

Note:
As per Hindu mythology, Hanuman ji is an incarnation of God in the form of an Ape. He is considered the one who has the powers to take away all difficulties/ fight demons for anyone who prays unto Him

Me: “sure, yes He will”
Gauri steps down from the bed and stands at the door whispering
“Hanuman ji open the door”
“please open the door for Gauri”
Now with stress in the voice:
“Please open the door Hanuman ji”
“Hanuman ji – open the door for Gauri, I have to go potty”
I was trying to avoid talking since Neel was trying to fall asleep in my lap, but then I had to intervene between Gauri and her Hanuman ji conversation
Me: “Gauri Hanuman ji does not open the door, you open it and go”
So she finally did go.
After a few minutes I hear Gauri again:
“Hanuman ji please give toilet paper to me”
“Hanuman ji ??”
“Hanuman ji I need toilet paper”
“Hanuman ji please give toilet paper”
“Oh god - Hanuman ji please give me paper towel”
After asking Hanuman ji for several minutes, I guess Gauri took the Toilet paper own her own and very disappointed-ly came back to me. BY now Neel was asleep and I was free to talk to her.

Me: “Gauri are you okay, did your potty?”
Gauri: “yea, but Hanuman ji did not give me toilet paper mama”
Me: “Its Okay Gauri”
Gauri: “I don’t think Hanuman ji can scare away the monkeys if he cant open the door and give toilet paper to me”!!

She was quite disappointed that night and I was half laughing and half wondering what and how am I to explain such complex things like “God” to an inquisitive kid like my little “Sweet-pea”.
She slept disappointed but I slept smiling thinking about this funny dialogue.

Since I have no pictures from that day, here are a couple of new ones of all of us.

Happy Janmashtami

Krishna Janmashtami, the festival celebrating the birth of Lord Krishna, is an important festival in the Hindu calendar. It is observed on the eighth day (according to the Lunar Calendar), of the dark half in the month of Shravana (again Lunar Calendar). I think personally, that this can be compared to the Christmas in the western world.

This is such a special festival for us specially because we all are Krishna Bhaktas (Devotees)and His Birthday is SUPER Special. Gauri already knows about “Krishna’ since she always offers prayers to Krishna before her meals (something that her nanu taught her and her prayers goes like this – with her eyes half closed half peeking she says “Krishna please eat this food ….please please please….” And sometimes she commands “Krishna eat ALL my food”, she looks so cute when she says that).

Every year we both observe fast the entire day and only eat/ drink after the birth of the Lord at midnight. Only milk and milk products are consumed, as these were the favorites of Lord Krishna (and mine too). We usually have a big celebration at our house and we invite lots of friends and family for the evening Puja, Abhishek and Prasadum. We also have some Krishna Games to add some fun to Krishna’s Birthday party but this year we choose to keep it small since both Neel and Gauri were super exited and it didnt seem feasible to cook that lavish Prasadum, decorate our Deities with wew clothing, jewelery and flowers and I knew its would be too tempting for Neel (now crawling) to leave ‘Baal-Gopal” on his alter. Last year we had a mini-accident when Gauir burnt her palm in an attempt to grab the light Inscent stick; we knew it would be best to keep the celebration very small this time. But we still had lots of fun and while Mani and I were singing our favorite Bhajans, Gauri declared “where is Krishna’s Elmo cake?” and “we need to sing Happy Birthday to Krishna” and “Krishna says he wants Balloons” – I wasn’t surprised at her demands – she was right, that’s the minimum we need to do for a birthday. Sorry Gauri – I’ll remember the Cake and the Balloons next year. Both Gauri and Neel dressed in traditional Indian clothes and boy did they ever look cuter!!

Happy Janmashtami to All – Hari Bool!!

Ok, so if you have been wondering where are we and what is Gauri up to these days here is a little update on Gauri (Neel's to follow shortly). This summer has probably been the most wonderful summer for me. I am having a blast with Gauri and Neel (of course sometimes they both do drive me crazy and I do feel that my IQ level, my vocab, my music repertoire are now that of a 2 year old, but still I don't remember having this much fun ever).

Gauri is a very energetic little girl and she does keep me on my toes. I need to keep her busy with challenging stuff otherwise she get very weepy and irritated. She has a never quenching thirst for books, and so we do visit the library VERY often. She loves to pick up new books from there and meet her friends from the "story time" program. I have to say, she loves to play with most of them but she prefers to play with older kids and read with them rather than the younger or even same age as her (I think that's the trait she picked from her dad, at least that's what Mani tells me).

Another interesting thing right now is the "pretend games" we play these days. Gauri is super super imaginative and is always coming up with new pretend games, her most favorite one is to play "Amma-dadu" (Grandma-Grandpa). She will mostly put a scarf around her neck just like her Amma (Amma wearing Salwar-Kameez) and pretend being amma and I will have to paint a mustache on my face and pretend to be dadu and she can play this game for hours all together.... another one of her favorite pretend games is playing Doctor-patient and I am always the patient and she is always the Doctor, She loves being the Dr. (ah, how I wish that she actually becomes one.....and yes I do remember that my Favorite toy as a little girl was always a stethoscope - hah what a coincidence)!!

Apart from that she has been dancing dancing and dancing on all sorts of songs since she was only about 20 months and this summer she showed great interest in ballet, so I finally did find a ballet school for her. She was super excited when she heard that we would be going for ballet class, we bought her ballet attire and she couldn't keep her hands, rather feet off those Ballet shoes....
She loves it there and keeps asking every day "do we have ballet class today?". She is probably the youngest of all in that class but definitely not least intimidated, fluttering around like a butterfly and chatting nonstop like a lil' monkey and looking so so so graceful, super cute I mean.

Here is a sneak-peek of her class.

We plan to continue ballet into fall and if possible Gauri might be able to perform next summer. I am super excited that she is learning dance (as some of you already know, I learned classing Indian dance growing up and was always performing as a little girl and I still love dance, oh and I still remember my first dance teacher's name - Ms. Krapa, and boy she was so strict and such disciplinarian that I almost hated her at that time) and I so wish that Gauri does embrace this form of art, it is very relaxing, uplifting, graceful and teaches self-discipline.

Apart from this we are also taking ice-skating for several weeks, and although Gauri can walk with those skates on, she still has days when she would not skate atall, but she loves being on the ice when it is scorching 90 degrees outside. I dont have any pictures from that but I'll soon post some.

And the most wonderful thing of all - Both Gauri and Neel are playing together very nicely. I have to give credit to Gauri for being super nice with Neel and although she has her moments of not wanting to share "her" toys with him but she will soon find something that she is willing to let Neel have. And they do have a blast whenever they are in the water together. I am so proud of her, being a baby herself yet acting such a nice big sister. May their love continue to grow like this forever.

All this and much more keeps Ms. curious somewhat busy otherwise, I was beginning to believe that "terrible twos" is truly terrible, now I think its "terrific"!!

Our visit to the ER

For those of you who are wondering what’s going on at our end, I am sorry I have been slacking at providing updates. I will soon post detailed updates on Gauri and Neel – I promise. But for now I’ll just say – we had the most scary evening this past Thursday. Gauri was out with Nanu for their evening walk, Neel and I were home, having our one-on-one time alone when Mani came back rather early from his racket ball game. I was surprised as well as happy that he was back soon. But within a few moments I realized that he was actually choking, barely able to talk, coughing vigorously and unable to breathe. I realized that this was his allergies, but this time it was worse. When he just couldn’t breathe, he signed me to quickly rush him to the ER (emergency Room). Fortunately, papa was back with Gauri and I only said “I am taking him to the ER, Neel’s with me, you take care of Gauri, and I’ll call…” We left in a panic and Manish kept insisting that I jump those one million traffic lights each one of which was Red this time, I was trying to keep my head straight while driving a screaming baby and chocking husband. As soon as we reached the ER the ER staff realized that his condition was rather critical because he was complaining of inability to breathe and therefore they asked me to register him while they already took him in. As we (Neel and I) registered him, my head was running in all directions, “Is he OK ? does he need me right now? He doesn't have a cell home with him? What about Gauri – would she be crying at home? Should I call papa – Damn no cell phone signal here. Neel’s crying, he is hungry, what can I give him, Jeez, he just pooped…oh shoot I forgot the Diaper bag in the car, cant go back to the parking lot now….” My brain’s CPU was running at 100% and was ready to hang, when the nurse asked me if I wanted to go see my husband. “Yes, ofcourse”. Ok so things were only going to get worse – they (hospital staff) couldn’t find him in any of their rooms!! “Sorry we cant seems to find your husband here” said the nurse. “Ok let me ask someone”, “ I am surprised where did they take him”…..I was almost about to have a panic attack, because only they worst possibilities were coming in my head at that time. Thanks goodness they finally found him. But those 15 minutes seemed like forever to me. I was relieved to see that he was able to breathe now. With a million monitors on him, and IV and what now and a zillion other drugs already injected in my poor hubby, “the situation is under control now” the nurse said. We were informed that it could take several hours before a doctor would be able to see him. The Doctor saw him at around 10:30 and reported that it was definitely a result of one of his severe food allergies (in this instance the culprit was nuts in the laddoo he ate before heading out for the game that evening). With a long list of antihistamines and other Allergy drugs , we finally got home by 11. Thank God, everything was Ok with him, Gauri was super excited to accompany me to the hospital to bring baba home. “I missed you baba” were her exact words as he entered the car when I picked him up at the ER door. We have see an allergist now, to figure things out and understand the dos and the don’ts regards to his eating. For now, I am putting away ALL Indian sweets out of his sight.