Last week, on one of our regular crazy mornings, when dropping off kids to schools I was
somewhat upset with Gauri for making us late because of her last minute notice
that it was Dr. Seuss Birthday and she needed a hat to wear to school. I told her “too
late” we can’t whip-up something at this last minute because Neel’s schools starts
early and he would get late. But she insisted and tried to bring out craft
material and try to do something but it was getting out of control! paper, scissors, hot glue, fabric paint...of Gosh...mess all over!! So - I gave-in and created a red and white striped cat-in-the-hat hat for her
with cardsheet. Of course this got us very late for Neel’s drop off and the
traffic was even crazier that morning which made me even more anxious. I told Gauri
that we can’t do this anymore. If she can’t remember what she needs for the next
morning and prepares it the night before - then we can’t work on it in the morning.
Then the kids started fighting in the car and that aggravated my anxiety
further. After somehow dropping off Neel (late of course) when driving to Gauri’s
school she insisted on doing something that would have made it very hard for
her to walk all the way to her class on those black ice packed side walk. And even after me insisting on letting me help her
- she wouldn’t listen. I got frustrated and told her that I am so disappointed in
her and that she makes “everything” (my over-exaggeration) very hard !! This I
believe made her very sad and just like that she says to me – ”stop it ma, you
are hurting my feelings . You are making me SAD. I don’t like to start my
school day when you are not happy with me. My whole day is ruined when you or baba are mad at me” and
she got teary. And right away I realized what I was doing and the power of our
words and how much weight they carry for our children. I immediately apologized to her and told her that I
loved her and “it’s not a big deal” and that mommy should have more patience. We kissed and smiled at each other and before I knew she disappeared in front of my eyes in that crowd of other kids....
I was left wondering for hours - who I more emotional - our kids or us? Who is more vocal about their feelings - them or us? Who is more apt at using their words to express their feelings - little ones or us?
I am proud of you Gauri ...that you are so well equipped to express yourself in a much nicer way than mommy...that you know exactly how you feel and what hurts, and you are not afraid to express it. I can see that you are going to be one strong girl with a "clear" head! Hugs from your mum who is learning from you! XO
3 comments:
Dear Bhabhi...I found this post as one of the most overwhelming most emotional post so far seriously, as I have also gone through with the same scene with Chaitanya and exactly this way I was left wondering that how to be vocal to our children. On the contrary I feel that elder kids are little more vulnerable and at the same time more understanding. In my case I have been little more emotional during my conversation with my kidos despite trying hard to be strong.
It's nice to read your post.
Kokil.
Thank you Kokil for sharing your experience. Kids often help us see our own shortcomings, they help us become better more tolerant adults. You can never feel the pain your words inflict on others until a child tells you what those words mean to them.
This post really was for me to be completely honest with Gauri and accept my own limitations as a mother. I hope she will learn to forgive me when she grows up and reads my honest confession.
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